Happy Fall, Y'all!

Late October in Texas means the most amazing weather in the entire world. The quintessential perfect days. Light breeze, blue skies, jacketed mornings and warm afternoons. I'm in HEAVEN! Today we collected eggs from the chickens:

Made breakfast with those eggs and fed the leftovers back to the chickens (wrong, I know) 

And we harvested some of our sweet potato crop:

It's so blissful I'm actually forgetting about the weird ass health stuff that I'll ruminate on at a later date. 

Happy Fall!

What Success Really Looks Like

 

Today, this is coming to mind. I've had a really, really, REALLY hard year that looks a lot like this, except in reality I've looped back to before the starting point on multiple occasions.  Right now I'm somewhere in the bottom of the scribble in the "oh, look, I feel like hell again" intertwinement.  

My biggest discovery of this year: Health is JUST AS MUCH mental as it is physical.  I have done everything right and my weight hasn't budged because my brain isn't in the right place.  I have done everything wrong and I just plummet deeper into the Abyss of Craptastic. I seem to be able to only work on one thing at a time.  When I spend my days obsessing over what I'm going to make for meals, what is going in my mouth, etc, I stop enjoying my day, which raises cortisol and makes me grumpy and then it doesn't matter WHAT I'm eating.  My body thinks that something bad is happening and it stores my delicious salad nicoise as fat.  Oh, evolution, you rat bastard.  

This fall I enrolled in Marc David's Institute for the Psychology of Eating certification program.  He suggests that you say to hell with obsessing over the food and work on your mental state first.  I've really been trying.  I started some meditation, getting regular massages, deep breathing, etc., and I really DO feel a lot less stressed!  Right now I'm reading The Slow Down Diet, which promotes deep breathing while eating, enjoying the food that you put in your mouth and not rushing through it.  He says that if you rush through a meal, your mind does not process that you've eaten and you're prone to overeat.  Not necessarily because you're stressed or nervous or eating to fill a void, but just because your brain never processed that meal.  You didn't relish in it.  Here's something I also do: if I eat something I'm not supposed to, like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I rush it down and then spend hours obsessing over it.  He suggests eating it slowly, enjoying it, and then letting go of it.  Acknowledge that you ate it, enjoyed it, and move on.  And guess what? I did just that!  And it was SO liberating!  And I only wanted HALF of it!  I put it on a plate and sat down at the table and had it with whole milk, like I was 2 years old again, and I loved it.  And then I moved on.  And that's HUGE for me.  

I'd like to keep working on the mental aspect only, because I honestly know what to put in my face.  I can make nourishing meals like a mofo.  It's my brain that has to heal and the relationship I have with that food that needs to be fixed.  And maybe it's as easy as not pretending that getting your dinner down is an Olympic sport?  Maybe the SLOWEST eater wins?  That's my new game.  Whoever finishes dinner last is the winner. 

GAPS legal blueberry muffins that rock my world

My mother in law is the amalgamation of June Cleaver and Martha Stewart; a pastry chef and Lutheran pastors wife. My husband grew up with warm German potato salad with bacon grease and sugar, fresh pesto stocked in the perfectly organized freezer and always from-scratch doughs and confectioneries. Need I describe his displeasure with a grain free/sugar free/starch free household?

Unfortunately for him, I put him on a yeast free diet in an attempt to get rid of this Candida once and for all. (Hint: withhold sex. It's a fantastic motivator.) In general, he can't stand anything that's made with coconut or almond flours, but he chokes it down because its the closest damn thing in the house to his beloved mother's recipes. I make these paleo-goodies for the kids, too, as my older daughter seems to be as sensitive as I am to carbs. I usually don't eat them as the recipes typically call for fruit and/or honey sweeteners. But I make them for everyone else, with mixed reviews. Until tonight.

Tonight I made blueberry muffins with a banana sweetener. Rave reviews! Hubby even said, shoving his fourth mini muffin slathered in butter down his gullet, that it was hands down the best paleo/GAPS recipe I've made. Finally! A winner!! I adapted it from Multiply Delicious. I tried it with some butter, too, and sort of freaked out and ate like five. Now I am bloated with indigestion and hate myself, but it might have been worth it. Here's what I did:

1 c. mashed banana (about 2 bananas)
2 t vanilla
3 eggs
1/4 c applesauce
1/2 c coconut flour
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t sea salt
1/4 t baking soda
1/2 t baking powder
1/4 c butter
1/2 - 3/4 c blueberries (I err on the side of more)

Preheat to 350.
Combine the first four ingredients.
Combine next 5 ingredients, mix well.
Add wet to dry.
Melt butter and mix in well.
Fold in blueberries.

Because coconut flour is so absorptive it will suck up all that moisture and you'll be like "uhhhh, lemme check that recipe again to see what I did wrong".   But don't!  It's right. You can line the muffin tin with muffin liners or did what I did and greased the muffin pan with coconut oil.  Multiply Delicious says that it makes about 11 muffins.  I found that it made about 23 mini muffins.  You could probably add a few more blueberries to make up the difference.  Either way, you'll have to dollop the muffin mix into the pan.  My min muffins took about 24 minutes, I think the larger ones take closer to 30-35.  Just keep checking them and take them out when they spring back or a toothpick comes out clean.

Then you should let them cool in the pan on a wire rack.  Then, after about 5-10 minutes, pick one out and cut it in half.  Slather that baby in grass fed butter.  Freak out.  Repeat. 

Let's start from the very beginning??!!

When I decided that I would start the modified GAPS protocol back in December, I understood that I would go through some die off and probably some frustrations, but I didn't think I'd go through many of the issues that the people starting the intro diet have talked about.  I have two small kids, I am going back to school this semester, I just moved to a 2 acre farm to realize my dream of homesteading.  I didn't think I could do all this on broth.  This is why I didn't start there, and why I started somewhere around phase 3 or 4.  I don't eat grain, honey, fruit, etc.  I pretty much stick to my fermented dairy, fermented veggies, broth, eggs, meat, some nuts, and veggies. 

However, after three weeks, it seems to me that my body only wants broth, meat, dairy and kimchi.  Everything else is giving me gastric issues.  That delicious pumpkin soup?  Bloating like you wouldn't believe.  The pumpkin chili is fine in moderation.  Nuts? Bloating.  Raw veggies?  Lots of bloating.  My stomach looks 6 months pregnant.  I just made the girls some delicious coconut flour muffins (granted they have blueberries in them).  Guess what?  Bloating.  Also, I have been having reactions to things I haven't had reactions to in nearly a year, since my yeast cleanse with Dr. McManus last March.  All nightshades, avocado, some nuts.. immediately my lips blow up.  I have eczema all around my mouth right now.  It's pretty hot. 

I know that my body is telling me that I need to start at the beginning, but I had really hoped to wait until summertime for that.  I really can't afford to be a space cadet while attempting to raise a family, keep a house/homestead and ace Biochemistry and Anatomy & Physiology.  Oh, and did I mention that I'm in the process of renting my old house?  This weekend was spent working on "curb appeal".  I"m a little bit overtaxed. 

However, I just don't feel like at any point in my entire journey, which has been YEARS, has my body been so loud and clear about what I am supposed to do.  It's fascinating to me.  And I have to listen, don't I?  Even if I am in the midst of one million other things.  I think that listening to myself will enable me to be successful in all my other endeavors.  At least I hope this is true, because here I go...

The good, the bad and the stinky!!!

A few months ago I procured this 20lb beauty from Neal's Berry Farm down the street from me.  I had decided that I would cook it up and it would be my first foray into canning. I noticed a small spot underneath that was starting to rot, so I quickly decided that this was Princess Pumpkin Cooking Weekend. 

First I cut it into sections and removed the seeds, which I"ll dry and use later for planting.  I was told that this was a local pumpkin and that they love the sandy soil around here.  Jackpot!  My new homestead is 2 acres of sandy soil.  We'll see how this goes in a few months... 

Isn't it beautiful???  I love this color.  The wall in the great room in my new house is this deep red color.  If I could, I would paint everything varying shades of this deep orange.  I would wear it constantly.  I love it.

After I cut it up, I put it into baking dishes and cooked it at 375 for about 1.5hrs.  I had two large baking dishes that I used simultaneously and it still took two batches to cook it all.  Once it cooled I scooped it out of the skin, threw the skin in the compost, and froze the rest.  I just didn't have time to can that day.  Still haven't had time to can, damnit. 

I DID take about 4 cups of it and puree it in my Vita Mix until absurdly smooth.  I then used it to replicate a recipe I had at Hubbel and Hudson Kitchen that I've been dreaming about for months.  Fairytale Pumpkin Soup.  Le sigh.  It's amazing. Luckily for me, they post all the ingredients on their "tags" for the soups.  I'm still tweaking, but here's what I did:
Sauteed about 5 finely sliced shallots in about 1/4c of butter (YUM!)
added about 4 cloves of garlic, diced/minced/otherwise made smaller
cooked for a few minutes until those items are wilty and slightly brown
added three or so cups of chicken stock
added about two cups of pureed pumpkin
about 1/4t of white pepper
sea salt to taste

I let this cook for a while, then cool down again, then pureed it again until absurdly smooth with no chunks.  Aside from the fact that I put about 8 times too much pepper in it, it was amazing!  Once I actually get this recipe down I'll put up a REAL recipe and not these "about this much" sorts of things. 

























In other news, I attempted my first fish stock, as I had really been craving seafood stew.  My father used to make seafood stew that was unbelievable.  I just remember looking into this bowl of white fish and other yummy bits floating in a delicious creamy stock.  The butter was floating on the top in little oil droplets and the parsley and lemon gave it another layer of freshness.  When you ate it was like eating the sea, only buttery.  Everything melted in your mouth.  It was incredible.  THIS is what I wanted to replicate.

I did not.

What I did do is go to the HEB, pick myself up the fleshless body of an allegedly fresh Red Snapper.  It smelled fresh, it looked fresh, it's eyes weren't cloudy or weird.  I put that baby in the crock pot, covered it with water and let it cook for hours and hours and hours.  Maybe 18?  It.  STUNK.  I spent most of those 18 hours convincing my husband that it would be worth it in the end, the fish smell that seeped into every corner of the house.  Trying to explain to my 2 and 4 year olds why the house was so "stinky", why their bedroom smells "disgusting".  I am at a complete loss as to why it turned out the way it did.  All the other blogs insisted that Red Snapper doesn't do that unless it's bad.  But I'm sure it was fresh!  I grew up in Maryland, damnit!  I know fresh seafood!  But this was gross.  I got some on my hands and it smelled like I had been playing with dead crabs in a salt marsh. It was just plain awful. 

Alas, I no longer have the faintest desire for fish of any sort. 

Egg drop soup

It's been in the 40's and rainy for the last few days, which is awfully unusual for south Texas! To warm my belly I've been going nuts with this eggdrop soup. A few days ago, I made a delicious bone broth from a crock pot chicken with tons on spices. All I add per serving is a tiny dash of liquid aminos, eggs of course, some chopped scallions and about one tablespoon of toasted sesame oil. Rocks. My. World.

Props to Mommypotamus for the inspiration!

I've been a bad, bad girl

I'm trying to use up the processed carbs in the house. For dinner, I made the girls homemade mac n cheese.  For dessert, I let them make cake pops, which they've been begging to do.  I think I'm taking my carb cravings out on the kids. 

Le sigh.  I should have just thrown it all out and taken the hit on the grocery bill. Because you know damn well that I did not make REAL mac n cheese with REAL butter and REAL cheese and not have a bite.  Or 4.  And I didn't make cake batter and not lick the spoon.  And part of the bowl.  And eat the crunchy bits that I had to smooth off the sides of the cake pops... Shit. 

I'll just focus on positives from the rest of the day... and ramp up the broth eating tomorrow.  :)